I am about to ruin your day, perhaps the next couple of days, weeks even. About a year ago I realized I could not get through an entire day without some reference to “Star Wars” crossing my path. And now neither will you. Sorry. I swear, my head will be on the pillow, my eyes closed and my mind blissfully ready for a good night’s sleep after my first Star Wars-free day, when my husband will turn on “The Daily Show” and Jon Stewart will compare some crazy goings on in Congress as “Jedi mind tricks.”
So I decided to start keeping track. My gym gives out free yearly calendars with unusually large daily spaces in which one could write, presumably, one’s workouts. Instead I used my to write down each day’s SW references (and I mean this in the plural, for many days there is more than one). As I started telling friends and relatives about this project they started sending me SW-themed birthday cards and viral videos. The accompany thing message would say something like, “Here, now that‘s out of the way for today!” But I decided the contributions, as well intended as they may be, wouldn‘t count. This project is about being an innocent bystander, and without any effort on anyone’s part having a random SW reference cross my path, like a black cat. Thus, browsing through the Science Fiction section of a bookshop and stumbling upon a novelized version of one of the movies wouldn’t count. Likewise passing the window display of a comic book store or watching “The Big Bang Theory” since these are environments which people, real and fictional, view Yoda with a reverence usually reserved for the Savior Himself.
Allow me to share a few gems I‘ve heard on Laugh USA, the Sirius radio satellite station for comedians. Apologies in advance to the fine comic geniuses whose names I cannot remember (along with where I left my pruning shears and why I went down to the kitchen a few minutes ago):
Darth Vader decides to mess with his son, Luke Skywalker. He says, “Luke…(heavy breathing behind the mask, heavy breathing behind the mask)… I am…(heavy breathing behind the mask)…your mother.”
In another routine the comic imagines being granted the superpower to travel back in time to change one event that will alter the course of history. It’s a dilemma: Should he stop the Kennedy assassination? Derail Hitler’s rise to power? After giving the matter considerable thought he decides to travel back to 1999 “and murder George Lucas with a shovel.” (For the benefit of those not familiar with the course of the SW saga, the first movie in 1977 was actually Episode IV, was followed by 2 sequels, “The Empire Strikes Back, Episode V “and “Return of the Jedi, Episode VI,” all of which IMHO, are pretty good. But 1999 marked the beginning of the unspeakably terrible prequels, beginning with “The Phantom Menace, Episode I” and ending with the animated “The Clone Wars” in 2008. For my money, the most grievous sin committed in the prequels is the introduction Jar Jar Binks, for whom Lucas deserves to be hit over the head with a shovel.)
So, during this new year I will post each days Star Wars reference(s) along with other the other ramblings I hope will gel into a memoir.
Today’s reference: “Doonesbury.” The setting is inside the recording studio where Iraq veteran Leo, whose PTSD includes expressive aphasia, works as engineer. His boss says: “…And this afternoon we’ll be voicing a Romney Super-Pac spot attacking Obama.”
Leo: “Obama? But it…it…primaries.”
Boss: “Guess they feel they got it sewed up, and it’s time to get their general election trash on. I booked a chick who’s perfect for the gig. This calm, chilling voice, like a female Darth Vader.”
Leo: “Wouldn’t m…m…male be more menacing?”
Boss: “You’ve never been married, have you?”
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